It might be amusing to know that sometimes I forget you are here. All of you. That sounds absurd considering what WordPress is, but there are times… when I write something personal and I get comments or questions back and it makes me stop and say “right, I am writing on a blog, not my leather bound or red journal.” Many times a comment or question will shoot my mind in a different direction than I had previously considered, or wanted to consider. My last real post was an example of that, so much so I responded with the same answer “thanks.” A first… unprofessional, maybe, but I am not a professional writer.
A blog is a window into your mind and heart if you write honestly. I do. They really shouldn’t place a “delete blog button” on a program for people with a depressive nature. There are times, such as recently, where my hand has hovered the pointer over it. For those who are emotionally stable, not necessarily stronger in character but in a better place, this might sound obscene. It is not. Through tears the world is a blur and thus actions become a blur. We with kids remain strong in the day… and we allow demons to roam the night. Does that make us less of a parent? Or simply human. As long as we care and “take care” of our loved ones… we are allowed to admit we carry burdens. Add years, add stones.
A writer presents his cheek to the wind on a blog and allows the proverbial slap that comes. Even if those blows come from a stranger. This is not to say we are all strangers here, for where do you draw the line of conclusion that you know someone? Do we ever know that person? I read many blogs, I browse off name sometimes, and like to “get to know” those getting to know me. I am of course making sure you are not North Korean spies after my famous bacon wrapped green bean recipe. Oh, and I enjoy your stories too.
In a few hours we return to Colorado, back to the mountains and away from the ocean. I am glad because my nature does not like one place. I also feel restricted when in the same house as too many people… even extended family. It has always been so.
I discovered that I have 6 knots of tension in my shoulders and neck. Solid balls of tension. My mom says that I should see a deep tissue massage therapist. I have never liked people touching me, at all, but maybe she is right… she normally is.
Back to ReaLiTy…
As someone with depression I found it very difficult to work the overnight shift. I was a clerk so I could go outside at times and when I was really depressed I went outside and smoked and got even more depressed. Something about the darkness of night bringing out all the daemons.
And I have come very close, on several occasions, to deleting my Facebook profile when I’m depressed.
I deleted my personal Facebook a long time ago. I enjoy the night myself, just depends what mood is my companion. 😉